Passage #33

If the dwarves in Mirabell

Garden could speak, their candid tales

would echo in the royal vales

of Salzburg. The Archbishop’s dell–

Excuse me! The Prince-Archbishop–

was created for his mistress

Salome Alt.  No mere temptress,

or seven-veils-dancing hookup,

she was mother to his fifteen

children.  Dwarves, trusted and very loyal,

lightened her travail and toil.

Jests broke up their daily routine.

Dwarves Playing Pallone

“You see this iron-studded sleeve?

I’ll whack this ball into your mouth.”

“Geliebte doesn’t like bigmouth

punks who don’t play nice. Her pet peeve.”

Dwarf With Chicken

“Cluck, cluck, cluck! It’s just my chicken!

He owned you! I can’t stop laughing.

Whoa! The Bishop’s finished quaffing

his Schnapps. I’ll scoot to the kitchen.”

Dwarf With Pince-nez

“Children, it’s time for your lesson.

(That one is really dumb.)

It’s French.

(Lose illegitimacy’s stench.)

Pince-nez means?

(You little whoreson.)”

Dwarf With Apron Laden With Fruit

“Gretl, why are you crying? Mum’s

on her way home. Here, have a pear.

A big hug. Come, I’ll fix your hair.

Those bullies are not your real chums.”

Dwarf With Gnocchi

“Hansel, these treats are not for you.

The gnocchi are for guests tonight.

Tattle on me? You’ll get a fright.

I’m safe here, though I’m still a Jew.”

Dwarf With Turban

“You may wonder why I’m a Turk

in the Bishop’s employ. This bark

I’m collecting in Mirabell Park

relieves headaches. Wipe off that smirk.”

Dwarf With Spade

“I’ve been around here for ages.

Just taking a break with my spade.

What’s a guy to do to get laid?

There’s more to life than poor wages.”

Dwarf With Garden Vase

“They’ve just come down from Salzburg hills–

Edelweiss in my garden vase

put a smile on my lady’s face.

They cure her abdominal ills.”

Dwarf With Ruffled Collar

“How do I look in my ruffles?

I’m running through my patter,

outshouting the diners’ clatter.

Will my jealous Prinz start scuffles?”

Dwarf With Bag of Radishes

“My bag full of black radishes

will treat my lord’s jaundice, my lady’s

heart, allergies of their babies.

To all, good health and best wishes!”