And These Were My Allies


There was a time when I was great.

I made America great again.

Millions hung on my every Tweet.

Yet some of my own generals ,

disgruntled, monetized their time.

Can you imagine their sly greed?

Putting themselves ahead of me ?

Ka-ching! Their cruel books full of lies.

I’ll quote you Ecclesiastes :

“Of making many books there is no end,

and much study wearies the body.”

And you thought I wasn’t religious.

But in Two Corinthians, right?

it’s the whole ballgame. Ask Mike Pence.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, ?

the Spirit, there is liberty.”

Not many people know this line.

My favorite verse, my guidepost,

my favorite Biblical verse

“An eye for an eye.”

That’s not a particularly nice thing.

I’d quote more for you but my faith

too personal to share specifics.

It’s a part of me that’s hush-hush.


And you think I do not read, right?

Highlights from my weak allies–



Spicer’s The Briefing–

Trump is a unicorn

riding a unicorn

over a rainbow…”


He cracked over his work load. Weak.

It was tough confronting the press.

We can’t settle for just keeping up

with the lowest common dominator.”



Then there was my FBI man,

Mr. High and Mighty, Comey.

His politically correct book A Higher Loyalty,

totally off.

He was supposed to be loyal to ME.

Not classy. Quoting religion to me

of all people.

There was once a time

when people worried about going to hell

if they violated an oath

taken in the name of God.

People must fear going to jail.”


I’m not afraid.

I’m not afraid because I’m smart

Have you ever seen me squirm?


Andrew McCabe didn’t realize

who the President is.

He quotes me in his cry-baby book The Threat:

“‘I hereby demand’ a DOJ investigation

of the investigators

who are investigating me.”

So he goes home

his daughter asks,

Did you get fired today, Dad?”

Not today, honey,

but tomorrow’s a new day!””


My arrow flew through

Twitter to announce his firing.



I’ve known Chris Christie

for 17 years. He never knew

how I was stringing him along

about his job organizing my transition.

He wanted to be VP.

Maybe he guessed how I felt–

I tossed his 30 binders of work

into the White House dumpster.

You know he sent Jarred’s dad to prison.

Always trying to get in the last word,

like in his book Let Me Finish.

All that planning.



Speaking of firings on Twitter–

Rex Tillerson, Secretary of State,

called me a “moron.”

Him and the Joint Chiefs of Staff

seemed taken aback

by my request to multiply

our nukes tenfold.

Me, a moron?

Rex is as dumb as a rock.



Do I seem unstable?

I’m a very stable genius.

Omarosa’s cheap shots in Unhinged.

Not tough enough—she played me wrong–

“If you’re not on the table,

you’re on the menu.”


Her Special pleading:

I am somebody. I may be poor

(Not true! she’s not any more!)

but I am somebody,

I may be on welfare

but I am somebody.

I must be because I am God’s child.

I must be respected

and protected.”


Whining. Insincere.

“Praising Trump is the only way

to get his attention and approval.”


Didn’t understand how I operated.

Chaos as a way of weeding out the weak.

The White House has a problem with the truth.

But at least they are consistent–

and only too predictable–

with the lies they tell.”


I can still hear her packing up her stuff

and walking out in her high heels.


Nice ass.


Speaking of ass

here’s what Bolton,

my National Security Adviser,

had me saying in his trashy book The Room Where It Happened.

I want real loyalty

I want him to kiss my ass

in Macy’s window

at high noon

and tell me it smells like roses.”

Who puts that in a book?



Totally made up charges.

Tough-guy” Bolton again,

I am not part of whatever drug deal

Sondland and Mulvaney are cooking up.”


He got it wrong.

Everyone had to come to me.

Trump’s deathless belief

that everyone wanted to deal with him,

that everyone was ‘dying for a deal.’”


Bolton thinks I don’t know Latin.

He called my White House

Bellum omnium contra omnium.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Wharton grad, you know.

My favorite Latin is on the money:

E pluribus unum.

“The one rules the many.”


He betrayed me!



Like Barr in Betrayal.

My Attorney General went through the motions

investigating the certain election fraud

that left me where I am,

playing golf at Mar-a-Lago.

He found nothing.

He leveled with me:

We realized from the beginning

it was just bullshit.


So I yelled at Barr:

You must hate me.

You must hate me.’

How the fuck

could you do this to me?


Barr pulled out his resignation letter


Because it’s true.”


I can still hear Barr’s parachute opening.





I’m done talking

about what those losers

were saying about me.

What do YOU think of me?

The reason millions love me

is because I’m smart

I’m smart and I’m rich.

It’s a winning combination.

I’m protecting you

I’m protecting America

from terrible Mexicans

criminals, drug dealers, rapists.

“I’m going to build a wall

and Mexico is going to pay for it.”

It’s there and would be finished

if not for the fake election


in August I’ll be reinstated

and right back to work

on my beautiful wall.


We have a problem with illegals.

“Only I can fix it.”

Do you know why I can fix it?

“My IQ is one of the highest

and you all know it.

Please don’t feel so stupid

or insecure–

it’s not your fault.”


Those deep state people

some are even Republicans,

RINOS like the Secretary of State in Georgia.

He could not even find 11,000 votes for me!

His President! From his party!


Those people from the Swamp

say I’m overreaching.

Taking on too much power.

They even use a fancy word for my terrific gift.

Young men and the rich

have that gift

because they think they are better than other people.

And we are!

We have the energy!

We have the ambition!



I have to make the tough decisions.

But some want to take me down

like that poor bastard in Haiti.

Maybe the gods won’t throw down lightning.

Instead, President Trump may turn around

the greatest meltdown in Twitter history.

Yes, you notice I like to speak of myself in the third person.

Like Caesar.

Why not?

The Capitol has a Roman dome.

The Supreme Court is a Roman temple.

I am the noblest Roman of them all.




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